


A Taste of Paradise

by Quillandwand



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, HP: EWE, Hermione as a professor, Post-Hogwarts, Post-War, Product gone wrong, The twins are still the twins (mostly)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-06 21:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14065818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillandwand/pseuds/Quillandwand
Summary: Testing new products for their shop is never completely safe, but neither Fred nor George expected this particular outcome. Even if they're able to fix their mistake, just what will the consequences be for turning Fred into the fruit he hates the most?





	1. Chapter 1

"I don't want to test it," Fred said, crossing his arms in front of his chest and staring at George, who stood on the other side of the workbench in their workshop.

George cocked an eyebrow and said, "I don't want to test it either. I was the guinea pig last time around!" The twins stared at each other, but after a few seconds George sighed and asked, "Rock, paper, scissors?" Fred nodded and held out his hand.

"Rock, paper, scissors, go!"

"Fuck!" Fred exclaimed as a grin spread on George's face. "You know I hate coconuts!" Laughter rang through their workshop because Fred's petulant tone and the face he pulled were just too much for his twin.

"Yes, I know, now shut up and try the macaroons." It was only fair that Fred tried them despite his, frankly strange, hatred of coconuts. The last invention they'd tested on George had left him unable to sit for days and as much as he loved their work, it was Fred's turn. Fred rolled his eyes, grabbed one of the fluffy-looking coconut macaroons on the table between them and stuffed it in his mouth, grimacing as he chewed. Swallowing the baked good took all of his willpower, but somehow he managed it and a second later he vanished with a 'poof'. George walked around the table to find a perfect fuzzy, brown coconut sitting on a pile of clothes.

"Oh, we'll have to fix that," George muttered, picking up the coconut and the clothes and putting them on the table. Of course he didn't mind Fred popping back into human form naked (nothing he hadn't seen before after all), but they wouldn't be able to sell the Mutating Macaroons like this. Turning into a coconut for a few minutes? Harmless fun! Divesting whoever was turned into a coconut of their clothes without their knowledge at the same time? Disgruntled customers galore. Prodding Coconut Fred and not getting any reaction whatsoever, George pulled one of the stools out from under the workbench and sat down. He scribbled down some notes on the paper with their coconut potion recipe while waiting for Fred to turn back. The macaroon's magic should only last for five to ten minutes, giving him enough time to come to some preliminary conclusions and ideas on how to fix the clothes thing.

George had started doodling on a spare piece of parchment after a few minutes, filling it as the seconds ticked away. It had been nearly 15 minutes since Fred had turned into a coconut and he hadn't changed back yet. Maybe their dose had been too strong. Dropping his pen, he picked up the coconut and clothes and went back up to their flat. Since it was getting rather late, there was no point waiting around their workshop any longer. During the day, or rather whenever their shop was open, they didn't have time to work on new inventions, so it usually had to wait until night-time, which meant they could only ever get so much done. Putting Coconut Fred on their coffee table, George flopped down on the sofa and turned his head to keep an eye on his currently not-so-identical twin. Another 15 minutes passed and George was bored beyond belief even as he flipped through a journal on recent potions research.

"Whatever are we going to do if you don't turn back?" George asked offhandedly, glancing at Coconut Fred who started wobbling slightly. Raising his eyebrows, George sat up and watched Coconut Fred roll off the table and land on the floor with a loud 'thwock'.

"Hey now! Don't break yourself," George said, picking up Coconut Fred and furrowing his eyebrows. "Guess it's been long enough. Don't go rolling off the table again, I'll try to turn you back." He put Coconut Fred back on the table and pointed his wand at him, saying, " _Finite Incantatem_." Fred remained a coconut.

"Figured that would have been too easy." He ran through a number of spells to end the effect of the Mutating Macaroons, jotting them down on a piece of parchment to keep track of what he'd tried already. As chaotic as they were at times, their work required a certain amount of organisation, especially when it came to damage control. Seeing as none of the spells so far had had any effect, George tried a spell he'd only seen mentioned in a paper once. It was a bit of a last ditch attempt. Coconut Fred began to glow for a moment and George held his breath, tentatively optimistic that this one might be a success at last. The glowing stopped after a few seconds. Fred remained a coconut, albeit a green coconut rather than the more common brown variant.

"Well, shit. That's all the transfiguration spells I know," George said, leaning back and ignoring the niggling feeling of regret that it hadn't been him who'd tried the Mutating Macaroons. Fred shook angrily and George quickly said, "Don't worry! I'll take you to Hermione tomorrow, we can crash her class." The trembling stopped. Breathing a sigh of relief, George took Coconut Fred along to his bedroom and got ready for bed. He put the coconut next to himself, pulling the covers over them. It wouldn't do for Fred to get bored during the night, all alone in their living room, and fling himself off of their coffee table again. Keeping him by his side during the night seemed like the sensible solution.

"Good night, Fred. I know it can't be easy being green." The coconut turned over once as though refusing to look at him. George chuckled and and flicked Coconut Fred once before settling down, falling asleep just a little later with a smile on his face.

* * *

Hermione'd had a great day so far. The weather was surprisingly good for autumn in Scotland, giving them all a break from the grey and dreary skies they'd experienced for the last month and a half. She had a quiet breakfast in the Great Hall during which none of her colleagues wanted to engage in idle chit-chat and simply left her to her newspaper as she had her morning cuppa. There was a spring in her step as she walked to her classroom well ahead of time to prepare her first lesson of the day. Her first couple of classes surprised her by being well-prepared for once. Hardly anyone needed reminders of their work from last time and those who did managed to catch up quickly. It was shaping up to be _one of those days_ \- one of the rare ones that made her realise why she loved her job so much. After lunch and halfway through her next class it turned into _another_ one of those day - the kind that made you regret having had high hopes to begin with.

Just as she was about to ask her students a question about the theory behind the newest spell they'd been practising (the _Lapifors_ Spell), George Weasley walked into her classroom, holding a coconut that was dressed in one of Mrs Weasley's knitted scarves as well as a bright yellow, woollen bobble hat. Her class of third year Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors turned around and started whispering as George sat down in the very last row, where there were a few more empty seats. He was smiling at her pleasantly as he put the coconut on the desk and mouthed 'hi'. Hermione frowned, momentarily losing her train of thought, before clearing her throat and telling her students to ignore their visitor and answer her questions instead. Hermione was certain her students would have been able to focus their attention back on the lesson again had it not been for George raising his hand at every question she asked, making her furrow her brows whenever her eyes landed on him and his dressed-up coconut. Completely losing her focus once more after a few more minutes of this, Hermione sighed and said, "I want a fifteen inch paper from all of you on the history, uses of and theory behind the _Lapifors_ Spell. I'd also like you to practice the spell before next class. Class dismissed." Groaning turned into chatter as the students packed up their things and left the classroom in small clusters, most of them giving George strange looks. Hermione leaned against her desk, crossing her arms in front of her chest and gave George and expectant look. "Where's your better half then?"

George pressed a hand to his heart and gasped. "Why must you hurt me so? I _am_ the better half!" He walked over to her desk, coconut in hand, pouting when she snorted.

"Of course you are, George," she said with a roll of her eyes. "The question still stands though. Where's Fred?" George pointed at the coconut, chuckling when Hermione tilted her head to the side and looked at him as if she thought he'd lost it at last.

"No way. You're pulling my leg," Hermione said after a couple of seconds, prodding the coconut in disbelief.

"He tried a new product and for some reason he isn't turning back. I've tried these spells," he pulled a piece of parchment from his jeans pocket and handed it to her, "but none of them worked. Obviously. The last one did turn him from a brown coconut into a green one though."

Hermione studied the list of spells, wordlessly casting a couple of them on the coconut, but nothing happened. She was surprised and a little bit impressed that George had tried out so many spells already and asked, "How come you're not more freaked out by this?"

George shrugged. "Remember your birthday party last year?"

"The one you didn't come to?" Hermione cocked and eyebrow and pursed her lips. She was still a little miffed that Fred had told her he and George would show up only for them to not make an appearance all night and to refuse to tell her why afterwards.

"Yeah, well, don't get your knickers in a twist again," George mumbled, his ear reddening slightly. "We got locked in our workshop. Took us a few days to get out again."

Hermione stared at him incredulously again. "God, you two -"

"Point is!" George interrupted her, making her narrow her eyes at him. "This isn't the first time one of our experiments has gone wrong, but I figured you could help, being the transfiguration professor and all." He waved his hand around, gesturing at the coconut and gave her an almost pleading look.

"Right," Hermione said with a sigh, rubbing her temples. Just _how_ had her day turned so quickly? "Go on, put him on my desk then. And take off the scarf and the bobble hat. Why is he wearing those anyway?" George, for once, did as he was told and she took a couple of steps back from her desk, watching the slightly shaking coconut.

"Thought he'd be cold since he's no longer one of those brown and fuzzy coconuts," George provided helpfully, ginning widely and Hermione just shook her head. She waved her wand slowly, drawing a complicated pattern, muttering under her breath the whole time, but the coconut didn't react. At least this confirmed that this was a transfigured human, but the reversal spell had most certainly not worked. Admittedly George hadn't left her much to try, but some of the obscurer spells most people didn't even know about. If worst came to worst, Hermione could always send George on his merry way to the Headmistress and have him explain this to her.

A good fifteen minutes later, Hermione had rolled up the sleeves of her robes, the sweat beading on her forehead the only sign as to how much magical energy she'd already used in her attempt to turn Fred back. She could feel the magic that kept him in his form, felt it slip from her grasp at the last moment and it made her huff in frustration. Swaying slightly on her feet, Hermione lowered her wand for a moment, but before she could try yet another spell, George had walked over to her, stilling her hand.

"You okay there, Hermione?" he asked her, taking a closer look at her face and tutting. "I didn't mean that you should exhaust yourself for this." George's voice was soft as he looked her over.

"It's frustrating. I can feel the magic, it's just out of my reach," Hermione said, poking George with her wand and rubbing the sleeve of her robes over her face.

"Watch where you stick that," George said, taking a step back and the corners of Hermione's mouth twitched as she suppressed a smirk.

"How exactly does your new product work? Is it a charm, a potion?" Hermione asked, walking back over to her desk and taking a closer look at the coconut. "Maybe that's causing the problems with the reversal." She pulled back with a yelp when the coconut rolled in her direction.

George laughed at the undignified sound escaping her and stopped Coconut Fred from rolling off the table. "First of all, we're calling the product he tested Mutating Macaroons. They're coconut macaroons that have had a potion added to them as well as a charm. They didn't work with just the charm or potion. Had to be both," George said and Hermione looked at him thoughtfully. Before she could voice an opinion on that, George pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to her. "That's the spell and the recipe for the potion. I think the potion's the most likely to have gone wrong because the spell we used is pretty straight-forward." Hermione nodded as she saw the spell - she couldn't imagine it leading to such complications. Carefully, she read over the recipe as well as the notes in the margins where the twins had made adjustments to the ingredients or how to brew them. Unfortunately, there were no ingredients on the list that would have led her to believe they were responsible for Fred's current predicament. She pulled out a piece of parchment from one of the drawers in her desk and placed it on top of the piece of paper. Casting a copying spell, the recipe transcribed itself onto the parchment, albeit somewhat cleaned up. George had raised his eyebrows, looking at her suspiciously.

Hermione waved her hand impatiently. "Relax, I want to consult Malfoy on this. I'm guessing something went wrong because you layered a spell and potion, but he's far better prepared to tackle the potions part of the problem since I don't see anything wrong with it." George relaxed and nodded, putting the hat and scarf back on Coconut Fred. "You know, you should stop by Minerva's office. Perhaps she has a quicker solution for this."

"Guess I should. What's the password?" George asked, leaving the classroom with Hermione, who had slung her over-stuffed bag over her shoulder.

"Portable Swamp," Hermione said with a grin and George looked at her like Christmas had come early while the coconut in his arms vibrated as though shaking with laughter. When they got to the stairs where their paths diverged, George pulled her into a one-armed hug, saying, "Thanks for your help, Hermione. Feel free to drop by our place after your chat with Malfoy. I'll treat you to dinner if you like." Hermione hugged him back and shrugged once he'd let go of her.

"I'll see how my chat with Malfoy goes first." Hermione had already taken a couple of steps in the direction of the dungeons, but turned back around and added, "And only if you're not cooking." He flipped her off, walking up the stairs and she started laughing as she made her way towards the lower levels of the castle. Hermione knew that Malfoy had a free period at the end of the day, just like her, but she wasn't sure if he'd be in his office, his quarters, or the potions classroom, working on something or another. After the war had ended, Malfoy had lost most of his estate as a result of his family's allegiance with Voldemort, but he'd worked hard during his last year at Hogwarts. She'd grudgingly had to admit that he hadn't just tried to change, he _had_ changed - even more so when he was offered an apprenticeship with Professor Slughorn, who wanted nothing more than to retire. Hermione and Neville had been offered apprenticeships at the same time and over the three years, they'd had to work together quite a few times, their mentors taking advantage of the fact that there were three apprentices, who were always at the same stage in their training.

On her way through the dungeons Hermione had glanced into the potions classroom, finding it devoid of students or the potions professor. Her next stop was Malfoy's office, where she sharply knocked on his door. Malfoy told her to enter and with a small smile on her face she walked into the room. A dungeon office could only change so much, but Malfoy had done the best he could with it ever since he'd moved in. There were touches here and there that reminded her of Snape - one shelf housed jars filled with weird liquids and things floating in them, but it was only one shelf. Most of the shelves that lined the room were filled with books and a couple of pictures. There was also a workbench to the side, where a potion was set to simmer, while Malfoy was working on some paperwork at his desk. A stack of essays was piled in front of him and it was obvious he was in the middle of grading, red ink dripping from the quill he was holding over the parchment as he looked up to see who had come to bother him. Hermione raised her eyebrows and Malfoy realised the quill had dripped. A string of expletives left his mouth and he quickly pulled out his wand to remove the splatter. Chuckling to herself, Hermione closed the door and walked over to Malfoy's desk, sitting across from him and dropping her bag on the ground next to the chair.

"Sorry to disturb you, Malfoy, but I'd like your help with something," Hermione said without preamble, crossing her legs and looking far too relaxed in his office.

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Hello, Granger. How're you today? Me? Oh, I'm fine, thanks for asking," he said, putting his quill aside and steepling his fingers as he leaned back in his chair.

"Oh come on, you want idle chit-chat about as much as I do," Hermione said, the smirk on Malfoy's face telling her that she wasn't wrong.

"Alright, what does the mighty Hermione Granger need help with then?" Malfoy asked and Hermione snorted, putting the piece of parchment that had the Weasley twins' potion recipe on it in front of her colleague.

"George Weasley just visited me. They've been testing a new product and have run into a bit of a problem," Hermione explained as Malfoy leaned forward, curiosity clear at the eagerness with which he picked up the parchment and scanned the recipe. About to tell him more, she thought better of it, wondering if he'd be able to guess what the problem was just from the spell and the recipe. When she didn't continue, Malfoy glanced up at her and chuckled at her expression, the challenge clear in her eyes.

"You know how good I am at this," Malfoy muttered, focusing his attention back on the recipe, drawing on his years of experience with potions. He'd always had a knack for the subject after all.

"Can't hurt to prove it every once in a while," she said, but Malfoy ignored the comment, completely engrossed in the recipe he'd never seen before. Of course he'd seen similar potion recipes before, but there was an efficiency to this that was quite intriguing. Not that he would say as much to Hermione, never mind the Weasley twins themselves. After a few minutes, Malfoy got up and pulled a couple of books from the shelves around his office, flipping through them with ease. All the books in his office actually looked like they'd been read several times over and reminded Hermione of her own personal library that looked similarly well-loved. A small yawn escaped her when, minutes later, Malfoy still hadn't spoken up.

"Patience, Granger," Malfoy said, slamming one of the books shut, the sudden noise nearly making her jump. "So Fred Weasley is a coconut?" he asked, an actual grin on his face and Hermione nodded, laughter bubbling from her.

"Indeed. None of the transfiguration spells George or I tried turned him back, so we figured the problem might be that they layered a spell and a potion. What do you think?" Hermione tilted her head to the side slightly, watching Malfoy as he glanced down at the open book.

"That probably factors into it, but the bigger problem is that they used desiccated coconut. This is a potion of their own invention, but you can find potions achieving similar effects in these," Malfoy explained, pointing at the two books on his desk. "They most likely know this, but there's a difference between fresh ingredients and dried ingredients, differences depending on how far certain plants have aged, differences based on when they were harvested. Many factors that could cause an imbalance."

Hermione nodded, aware of the theory behind potion ingredients. "So they used more powerful ingredients and didn't adjust the recipe properly." Malfoy gave her a wry smile and she sighed. "Any idea on how to turn Fred back?"

"I should be able to brew something up, but it would have to be layered with a spell since their product did the same thing. The potion shouldn't take longer than a week to make, however." Hermione didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to live a coconut for a week - from the look on Malfoy's face a similar thought crossed his mind.

"Well, at least I can work on the spell. Thank you, Malfoy. Let me know if you need help with anything or if you need ingredients that are hard to come by for the potion," Hermione said, getting up from the chair and smiling at Malfoy.

"Sure," Malfoy said, a glint in his eyes as he looked up at her face. "You owe me one?"

"I'll buy drinks next time we're out if you manage to make a potion that works," Hermione offered and Malfoy nodded. Returning the nod, Hermione left the office and went back to her own quarters. Once she was back in her room, she chugged her robes, changing into some comfortable muggle clothes before flooing to Fred and George's flat above Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes in Diagon Alley. She figured Minerva wouldn't have entertained the twins for too long and it had taken Malfoy quite a while to figure out how the two of them had messed up this time.

* * *

"Portable Swamp," George told the gargoyle guarding Professor McGonagall's office, winking at it when it hesitated for a moment before allowing him entry. Grinning, he knocked on Professor McGonagall's door and entered when she said, "Do come in, Mr. Weasley." George figured the wards of the castle must have alerted Professor McGonagall when he had entered the grounds - being the headmistress had to have its perks.

"Minnie!" George exclaimed as his former Head of House sighed and gave him a stern look over the top of her glasses. "Why I had no idea you enjoyed our products." He could have sworn that the corners of her mouth twitched for a moment, but just a second later her expression returned to the stern mask he and Fred had been confronted with so many times during their career at Hogwarts.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" McGonagall asked, ignoring his comment and the coconut he was carrying as she gestured for him to sit down. George obliged and put Coconut Fred on the table between the two of them. Her eyes flickered to the dressed up fruit and she raised her eyebrow ever so slightly.

"Fred and I were testing a new product when we ran into a bit of a problem." George glanced away from her for a moment, taking in the way the office had changed since Dumbledore's times. It was tidier, he realised. Even the wall with the portraits of the former headmasters and headmistresses had changed, because portraits of Snape and Dumbledore had been added. While the majority of them still pretended to be sleeping, Professor Dumbledore's blue eyes were twinkling down at him across half-moon glasses and his former headmaster winked at him, clearly amused by their mishap.

"Do you mean to tell me that this is your brother?" Professor McGonagall asked, her nostrils flaring as she gestured at Coconut Fred.

"Yupp!" George couldn't help but miss school momentarily because of the look Professor McGonagall gave him now - she'd probably looked at him like this hundreds of times. Well, him or Fred. It was the one she reserved for whenever they'd done something truly stupid. Before she could scold him and make him well and truly feel like an ickle Hogwarts student again, George said, "I've got a list of spells I've tried to turn him back and Hermione's tried a few others, but nothing either of us did worked." He fished the paper with the list of spells they'd tried out of his pocket again and handed it to McGonagall. "Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here. And neither would Coconut Fred." Shaking her head, Professor Mcgonagall scanned the list of spells, pursing her lips.

"You've been studying transfiguration spells that are beyond even NEWT-level material," she commented, surprise and something else in her voice that he couldn't quite place. Was it pride?

He felt his ears redden and shrugged, "We're taking the joking business very seriously. Believe it or not, we try to avoid accidents and mishaps wherever and whenever possible." Professor McGonagall gave him one of her rare smiles at that.

"Between you and Hermione you haven't left much for me to try. One or two spells at most. Do you have another plan should neither of those work?"

"Hermione's talking to Malfoy right now. She thinks the problem might be that we've used both a potion and a spell on our new product and the layering messed with something." Professor McGonagall contemplated that for a moment.

"That is certainly a possibility," she said, but got up nonetheless, pulling out her wand and pointing it at Coconut Fred. The magic flared as she cast the first spell - it was so strong that George could feel it and the sheer power gave him goosebumps. The portraits were sneaking glances at the Headmistress as the magic flared up, it was pretty unusual for them to get such a show after all. Even for George there were very few times when he'd seen Professor McGonagall pull out all the stops, but everyone had known she was powerful in her own right. She wouldn't have been Dumbledore's second-in-command had she not been. Even so, it was always impressive to witness it in person. Instinctively George scooted back when Coconut Fred began to glow. He kept glowing for a few seconds until the Headmistress lowered her wand, brows furrowed and lips pressed together into a tight line. Fred was still a coconut.

Rolling her shoulders and clearing her throat, McGonagall raised her wand a second time, muttering an incantation under her breath that George couldn't quite make out. He could tell that she kept repeating the same words over and over, but she was speaking too low for him to make out the exact phrase. Again, Coconut Fred glowed. Again, he kept glowing for a few seconds. Again, it wasn't Fred Weasley sitting on Professor McGonagall's desk once he stopped glowing. The Headmistress let out a long breath. "I'm very sorry, Mr. Weasley, it appears he will have to remain a coconut for a while longer. I would begin considering your options in case Draco and Hermione cannot come up with a solution together." George gaped at McGonagall for a moment, not quite sure if she was joking or being serious. He'd just assume the former.

"Thank you for trying. I knew there was a reason why you were my favourite professor back then," George said, another smile spreading across his face. Professor McGonagall tutted as the words left his mouth.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, but do let me know if you manage to turn him back." George knew when a conversation was over and he nodded as he got up, picking up the, once again, shaking Coconut Fred. He bid his former professor goodbye and made his way back out of her office and Hogwarts castle. Once he reached Hogsmeade, he apparated back to their flat, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his coat in their hallway.

Wandering into the living room, he flopped down on the sofa, Coconut Fred on his stomach, and turned on their TV. It had only been a few years after the war that someone found a way to insulate electrical appliances enough to work in magical households and some wizards and witches were still distrustful of 'the magic' they didn't understand. George pressed the button to turn on the DVD player and started up Monty Python and the Holy Grail from where they'd left off the other day.

"Fred! Shield your eyes!" George exclaimed after a little while when a 'horse' appeared on screen. He couldn't contain his laughter as Coconut Fred began to tremble indignantly and shielded his eyes for him - where he imagined a coconut's eyes to be if they had any anyway. Just as his laughter subsided, he heard a whoosh and craning his neck he saw Hermione standing in front of their fireplace. George waved at her and seeing as he made no move to get up from the sofa, Hermione took off her trainers, dropped them off by their front door and walked back into the living room, sitting down in one of their arm chairs.

She raised her eyebrows at the film he was watching and said, "We used to watch a lot of Monty Python at home when I was younger. Was right up my parents' alley." A smile spread on her face at the next scene of the film.

"I guess you could say it's right up mine and Fred's alley as well."

"I'm not surprised," Hermione said with a snort. Looking over at George and Coconut Fred, the smile slowly disappeared. "Malfoy is going to brew a potion for you, but it will take a week to prepare. He also thinks it will have to be layered with a spell."

George furrowed his brows. "Guess we can't help that, it's the best shot we got." Hermione nodded.

"According to him the problem was the desiccated coconut. You used an ingredient more magically powerful than necessary, so the potion became imbalanced." George swore softly under his breath and sat up, setting Coconut Fred to the side and pulling out the recipe once more. For a few minutes both of them were silent as George checked the recipe. However, out of the two of them, Fred was far better at potions. Normally George worked on the charms and spell work, while his twin prepared the recipes. In short, he didn't quite know why the amount of desiccated coconut was wrong.

"Fred will have to fix it once we turn him back," George said and Hermione chuckled.

"Isn't he going to be pissed off because he'll have been a coconut for a week?" Hermione asked and George frowned at her.

"Don't give him any ideas!" Laughing, Hermione shrugged, but after a moment George smiled at her. Since there wasn't anything else they could do for Fred for the time being, George asked what food she wanted to get for dinner. Deciding on pizza after a little back and forth, the two of them spent an evening of comfortable companionship with each other, eating greasy food and watching a couple of films before Hermione had to bid her farewell for the evening to return to Hogwarts castle. She promised George she'd be back with the potion once Malfoy was done with it. Patting Coconut Fred before she left, she reassured him that they'd try everything in their power to turn his twin back. George was hopeful that the two professors would be able to return his brother to him. With yet another whoosh Hermione was gone again, flooing back to Hogwarts. George glanced at the clock on their mantelpiece. It was getting a bit late, so he should head to bed, too. They had a business to run and he would have to open the shop all by himself the next day since Verity was currently on holiday and he didn't want to get in touch with her just because one of their experiments had gone wrong. No, she was off with her girlfriend and she deserved her time off. Taking Coconut Fred along, George went to bed for the night, curious as to how a week with a coconut for a brother would turn out.

* * *

Having a coconut for a brother and taking care of him was a task George had been ill prepared for. All week he'd had to keep an eye on Coconut Fred, which meant he had to take him along to the shop. He shrunk a set of their magenta work robes for him and popped him on the counter next to the till. He soon realised that that was a mistake.

"Is the coconut for sale? Is it something new? What does it do?" a small boy enquired after a couple of days while George was ringing up his items for him. With a smile he explained that actually one of their experiments had gone wrong and that the coconut was his twin brother, so he couldn't sell him. The boy whispered "wicked" and left the shop with a wide grin, running off once he was back outside. A little while later another couple of customers asked if Coconut Fred was a product and for sale and frowning George declined, explaining the current situation once more. The customers chuckled as they left the shop after paying for a few items, chatting about the odd addition to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. George should have foreseen people's interest in his coconut-shaped brother, but alas he hadn't. In hindsight it made perfect sense that people would assume the coconut was some new invention of theirs. The frown on George's face deepened. He didn't dare transfiguring or disillusioning Coconut Fred in case it messed with the effect of the Mutating Macaroons, so in the end he just persevered in telling people the tale of how they'd fucked up this time around.

By Wednesday word had gotten around that one of the Weasley twins had been turned into a coconut and was sitting on the counter in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, wearing its own little magenta set of robes. That day, most people came in specifically to see Coconut Fred and while they were there already, they picked up a few products before being on their merry way again. The increase in business would have been fine and dandy if Verity had been there, but there were just too many customers when the shop was being manned by only one person. In the end George managed to get Lee to help out for a few days though. One of them always remained behind the counter to keep an eye on Coconut Fred, while the other could help customers locate the products they were looking for or answer their questions on the items. Since one of them always remained behind the counter it came as a surprise when they realised Coconut Fred had vanished. He couldn't have been gone for more than a minute, because George had just answered a question about his twin. For a second he panicked, looking around the shop to see if the thief was still around. Once again he thanked Merlin that someone had found a way to make electrical appliances work surrounded by magic because without the shop's cameras around he would have been a whole lot more worried. Telling Lee what had happened, the two of them ushered the remaining customers out of the shop and George sent off a patronus to Harry, asking him to drop by because Fred had been coconut-napped. By the time Harry showed up at the shop they'd prepared the recording from the afternoon, clearly showing a teenage boy, probably no older than fifteen, swiping Coconut Fred when George had his back turned. They showed Harry the recording first and neither George nor Lee knew how to interpret his reaction to it. He let out a long-suffering sigh and took their statements with the corners of his lips twitching from time to time as though he was having trouble keeping a straight face. He copied the picture of the culprit, promising to find him for George and to bring Coconut Fred by the evening.

True to his word, Harry returned Coconut Fred by nightfall. When George had asked how he'd found the culprit so quickly, Harry was unable to keep a chuckle in and said, "They're someone I've worked with before." George frowned, holding onto Coconut Fred protectively.

"Since when do you work with thieving teenagers?" George asked, causing Harry to well and truly burst out laughing, almost doubling over.

"Actually," Harry had managed to wheeze out, "I guess it's more accurate to say _she_ works with me. Trained me even." Harry leaned against the door frame to their kitchen once he'd calmed down again, still a wide grin plastered across his face, seemingly unconcerned about the coconut-napping that had occurred that day.

"But Tonks...?" George asked, trailing off as comprehension dawned on his face. "How did you know it was her?" was George's next question as a wide grin spread on his face as well. He knew a good prank when he saw one.

"She used a form I knew from a previous mission." With that explanation and George's worries put to rest, Harry went off, leaving them to their own devices. He doubted Tonks had treated Fred badly, but they'd still have to get her back at some point.

"No worries, Freddie, I'll put some anti-thieving charms on you tomorrow," George promised his twin and it was the first thing he did the next morning after going down to the shop. The charms made it nearly impossible for Coconut Fred to be stolen again, but people still tried that day. On Friday, he resorted to sticking Coconut Fred in the cage with the pygmy puffs, adding some more powerful charms to the cage. The pygmy puffs flocked to Coconut Fred, covering him, so that it looked like they were selling a regular-sized puffskein - with a few too many eyes. George was glad when Friday evening finally rolled around and he was able to lock up the shop for the weekend, having decided to keep it closed on Saturday and Sunday in hopes of Hermione dropping by with the potion and a ready wand. He hadn't heard from her all week and she never showed up at their place on Saturday, but promised him she'd be coming by the next day at one of their usual weekend dinners at the Burrow.

The next morning, George was woken from a rather nice dream of a rather beautiful woman in a coconut bra when someone pulled his blanket away, saying, "Good mor - " only to break off halfway through the greeting. Opening his eyes and groaning, George spotted an embarrassed-looking Hermione whose eyes snapped from his body to his face when she realised she'd managed to wake him.

"Bloody hell, give a man a warning," George muttered, noting that it seemed to be difficult for Hermione to keep her gaze from trailing over his body. He gave her a lopsided grin and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, which just made her huff.

"I've brought the potion," she said, dropping his blanket on him and covering his nude form before she walked out of his room. George scrambled out of bed, pulling on a pair of pyjama bottoms and an old t-shirt as he went into the living room, where he'd forgotten Coconut Fred the previous night. _Oops_.

"Hey, wait, what do we do now?" George asked, his voice muffled because he'd managed to get his head stuck in the sleeve of the t-shirt he'd been trying to put on and he had to disentangle himself before pulling it on properly. Mornings never were his strong suit. Hermione, her cheeks still tinged pink, looked over at him as she picked up Coconut Fred from the ground and put him on the coffee table.

"You pour a little bit of the potion on him and I'll cast the most powerful transfiguration spell I know right after, so their effects get layered." Didn't sound too difficult, George thought to himself and caught the potion vial Hermione threw to him.

"Whenever you're ready," she said, pulling out her wand and pointing it at Coconut Fred while George walked around the coffee table and pulled the stopper out of the vial. Giving Hermione a curt nod, he poured a small amount of the potion onto Coconut Fred at which point Hermione began casting a spell. This time around, Coconut Fred emanated a pulsing light that kept going for seconds after Hermione had finished casting. Even so, the coconut wasn't shifting and when the light died down, Hermione and George exchanged a nervous glance. Only a couple of seconds later was there a small 'pop' and Fred appeared on the coffee table, completely naked and looking rather pissed off. Both George and Hermione jumped at the sudden appearance of Fred, Hermione's blush intensifying when she caught an eyeful of the other Weasley twin.

"Oh for fuck's sake. That's entirely too many naked Weasleys for one morning," she muttered, turning around and walking into their kitchen, telling them she'd make some coffee. The twins looked at each other and Fred frowned at the grin spreading on George's face.

"Shit, I'm glad that worked," George said, bouncing on his heels, not particularly bothered by Fred's state of undress.

"You're glad that worked? _You_ are?" Fred asked, getting up from the coffee table, swaying a little because he hadn't used limbs in a week. "I _really_ hate coconuts. I was a fucking coconut for a whole fucking week." George was still grinning, while Fred wandered off to his room to put on some clothes, muttering under his breath what a twat his twin was and complaining about George sleeping naked because he'd come entirely too close to his brother's dick a few times that week. George couldn't keep in his laughter as he heard Fred banging about their flat, following him at a safe distance, so he only got to Fred's room after he'd pulled on some boxers.

"What was it like being a coconut then?" George asked, leaning against the door frame of Fred's room, still grinning. Fred pulled on some more clothes and turned to him with a shrug.

"Was fine until you decided to stick me into a cage full of pygmy puffs," Fred said, the corners of his mouth twitching because of course the whole thing had been just a tiny bit funny.

"I only did that to keep you safe!" George exclaimed indignantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "What would you have done if someone'd nicked you for real?"

"Tonks treated me pretty well." Fred was grinning now. "All she did was set me in front of her TV, but you know, better than sticking me in a cage." George huffed, but then smiled.

"It's not like you'd have been any better at taking care of me had I been the one to try the Mutating Macaroons."

"I wouldn't have let you get nicked and I wouldn't have stuck you in a cage," Fred said, pushing past his twin to head to their kitchen to check on Hermione. "Let's see how Hermione is doing. We should have warned her about your special sugar." The twins always drank their coffee black: for one, they could never quite remember if they'd done something to their milk or sugar, but they also needed all the caffeine they could get to get started in the morning. Hermione on the other hand drank her coffee with milk and a tiny bit of sugar, but even a little bit of a contaminated substance could have disastrous consequences in their household. A yelp from their kitchen made them hurry to the other room, where they found Hermione whose hair was growing past her shoulders, her waist, her hips and sported all the colours of the rainbow.

"No, don't!" Fred and George yelled when Hermione pointed her wand at her head, but it was too late - she'd already said ' _finite incantatem_ ' and her hair started growing at an even faster rate. Hermione turned to the twins, her eyes narrowed as the air around her crackled with magic.

"A little warning would have been nice," she hissed, gripping her wand so tightly her knuckles stood out white. Fred and George instinctively backed away, holding up their hands.

"To be fair, I'd only just turned back after being a coconut for a week. Bit disorientating that," Fred said and George added, "And I was a little distracted by Fred turning back."

"Terribly sorry, Hermione, but we can fix this!"

"Promise," George said when she didn't look terribly convinced.

"Do it," Hermione said and when they didn't jump into action right away she snapped, "Now!" Fred and George glanced at each other and took out their wands, pointing them at the rainbow-coloured mass of hair and casting spells at the same time to make them stronger. Hermione's hair had reacted exceptionally well to the sugar - much better than their own hair had. The colours were far more vibrant and the rate at which it was growing was way faster than they'd thought possible. They managed to stop it from growing any further after a few seconds, but the colours were trickier. After a few minutes, Hermione's hair, so long it pooled on the ground around her feet, was still rainbow coloured and she was losing her patience.

"Fred, George," she said, raising her wand and gripping it tightly once more since she'd relaxed her grip on it while they'd been trying to reverse the effects of the sugar.

"Yes, Hermione?" Fred asked, lowering his wand and glancing at George, who'd followed his lead.

"Why is my hair _still_ rainbow coloured?" Hermione asked, walking in their direction until she was close enough to poke the twins in the chest with her wand. "And why is it still so long? I want my old length back!" her look was hard und unyielding as she looked up at Fred, who swallowed hard.

"We can cut the excess off if you like," George suggested and Hermione's eyes snapped over to him instead.

"Can you now. That still leaves me with rainbow hair."

"We should have a potion around our lab somewhere to help with that. We'd even lend you our shower."

"I'm not leaving here until you've fixed my hair, so you better get moving," she snapped, punctuating each word with a poke of her wand, searing little holes into their t-shirts, which they chose not to comment on.

"Right," George said, clearing his throat, "Do you want one of us to cut your hair first?" Hermione huffed, narrowing her eyes at the twins. She wrapped her hair around her hand, pulling it taut at about shoulder length and cast a severing charm. The excess hair fell onto the twins' kitchen floor.

"Potion," was all she said and they scrambled into action, George rushing off to their lab downstairs, while Fred vanished the hair on the ground with a flick of his wand and dashed off to get her a couple of towels and cast some cleaning charms on their bathroom. It wasn't like he and George never cleaned, but they definitely weren't as neat and tidy as Hermione, particularly in their flat. The shop was a different story altogether. By the time George ran back up the stairs from their shop, Hermione had been standing by the bathroom, holding the towels Fred had gotten for her for a couple of minutes, her glare never wavering once.

"Don't look at me like that," Fred had said, furrowing his brows. "The sugar was George's little project." He was saved her scathing reply by George's return. George passed her a vial and she turned on her heel, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. The twins looked at each other, then burst out laughing. The shower hadn't started running yet and Hermione yelled, "I can hear you!" Fred and George laughed even harder and went back into their living room, collapsing on the sofa.

"Hermione hasn't given you the recipe for the potion that turned me back yet, right?" Fred asked and George shook his head.

"She got here, woke me up, we turned you back, she complained about too many naked Weasleys."

"No idea why she'd complain about that, doesn't sound like much of a problem."

George laughed at that and nodded. "Don't think she expected to find me naked though. Maybe it was the unexpectedness of it all," George said and Fred snorted. The two of them chatted until Hermione came out of their bathroom, towelling her hair that was pretty much back to its usual colour and level of frizz. If you looked at it carefully, it did look a little bit lighter than before. Fred and George hoped that that would be all the change and that it wouldn't continue to go any lighter still. Hermione looked from Fred to George, still a frown on her face.

"What's got your knickers in a twist now, Hermione?" Fred asked and her frown deepened before a smirk tugged at her lips.

"Not wearing any knickers, so there's nothing to get in a twist," Hermione said and Fred and George raised their eyebrows. For a second they were speechless, but then Fred grinned and asked, "Really, Hermione? I show you mine, you show me yours?" Hermione burst out laughing, letting her gaze travel over his body, slowly as if she was contemplating it.

"Nah, I'm good. Been there, done that." She looked at George whose ears reddened at the look she gave him. "Twice." Throwing her towel at Fred's face, she said, "Now if you'll excuse me. I have better things to do on a Sunday than hang out with the two people who very nearly ruined my hair. If you need the recipe for the potion go bother Malfoy." And with that she disapparated, winking at Fred.

"Fuck me," Fred muttered, chucking the towel at George who gave him a funny look and said, "I'd rather not." Fred grinned and pushed against George's shoulder, pushing him over to the side. Leaning back in his own corner of the sofa, Fred stretched out for a moment and ran a hand through his hair.

"But really, Fred? Hermione?" George asked and Fred looked at him in surprise.

"Why not? Could be fun."

"You're not that stupid, Freddie. Too close to home to just be a bit of fun." George got up and left Fred to mull that over for a bit. He went into the kitchen, getting rid of the now-cold mugs of coffee and starting a new batch for the two of them. Pulling out a box of cereal, he also got himself some breakfast and sat down at the kitchen table, waiting for Fred to follow sooner or later. It was rather sooner than he'd expected that Fred walked into the kitchen, changing the topic completely and asking him instead if he'd thought of any new product ideas over the last week. Fred sat down with his own mug of coffee and bowl of cereal across from him and George told him all about some new things he'd like to try. They would have to get inventing again soon.

* * *

Hermione spluttered and her lesson came to a grinding halt when, during the last class of the day, Fred walked into her classroom. He came in without so much as a twitch of his brow, despite the fact that he was naked, giving her a small wave and sitting down in the last row. The smile on his face made him look like the proverbial cat that had caught the canary and she couldn't help but wonder why? Surely getting naked and walking into someone's classroom as they were teaching a class didn't constitute a prank nowadays. Besides, just what was Fred thinking getting naked in front of children? Hermione glanced from Fred to her students who were all staring at her in confusion, as though her reaction to Fred had been odd? Furrowing her brows, she glanced at Fred again - nope, still naked, although most of him was obscured by the desk and students sitting in front of him. It took her a moment of quiet introspection, but she figured that if her students had seen Fred naked there'd be screaming, pointing and giggling - in that order, even from her seventh years.

"Professor Granger? Are you alright?" one brave Hufflepuff student asked her and Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose. She shook her head at Fred, who winked at her, before turning back to her students. Hermione cleared her throat and focused back on her class. "Yes, I'm very sorry about that. Now where was I?" After a couple of seconds glancing at her notes, Hermione picked up where she'd left off and continued with the lesson. Just as she was about to explain a rather complicated part of the finer points of the animagus transfiguration process, one of Fred's movements caught her eyes. He stretched in his chair, giving her a very clear view of his upper body and the trail of red hair that led from his bellybutton to his groin. Her face reddened as her train of thought was interrupted once more and her words trailed off. Catching Fred's eye, she let out a long-suffering sigh and said, "I'm very sorry everyone. I'll have to cut our lesson a little short today. Please read the next two chapters in the textbook for tomorrow morning. If you have any questions about the material, feel free to drop by my office later." With those words she closed the folder with her notes and walked around her desk, sitting down on it as her students left her classroom. Hermione felt a little bad ending the class early, but they were currently ahead of her schedule for seventh year, so being let out early once or twice or even three times wouldn't fuck them over.

"Fred," Hermione said with another sigh once the last of her students had left and closed the door behind them. Fred got up from the seat in the last row and walked to the front of the classroom, leaning against a desk in the first row, completely unperturbed at his seeming state of undress. She tried to keep her eyes fixed on his face, but her gaze flickered over his body a few times before moving back up. Fred grinned and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Like what you're seeing?"

"Well, there's nothing wrong with your body, but then we get to your personality and it all goes downhill from there." There was no bite to her words, but Fred still gasped and looked at her in mock hurt.

"I've got a great personality!"

"Of course you do, dear." Hermione felt like she was about to get headache, so she rubbed her temples, closing her eyes. Fred stepped up to her, pushing her hands away and massaging her temples for her. His fingers were deft, rubbing small circles, as though this wasn't the first time he was doing this. "What do you want, Fred? Also, why do I see you naked, but none of my students do?"

"Ah, that," Fred said with a chuckle. "That was one of our rather more brilliant ideas. It's a new product we're testing. It's a potion that makes you appear naked to anyone who's ever had… let's say, thoughts of the naughty variety about you. Definitely not for the faint of heart." Hermione chuckled and tentatively put her hand on his chest.

"Does it have to be taken willingly or can it be given to someone else as well?"

"We thought it would be funnier if it would have to be taken willingly. Choosing to be seen naked and all that."

"That's surprisingly thoughtful," Hermione said, opening her eyes and realising just how close Fred was to her. If she'd had the patience, she could have counted the freckles on his face.

"We do want to stay in business." Fred's hands dropped from her temples to her shoulders, his thumbs running along the edge of her robes. "More importantly, what kind of dirty thoughts have you been having about me, _Professor Granger_? Anything kinky?" Hermione's blush deepened and she lowered her gaze, staring at his chest.

"You haven't answered my question yet and I asked first," Hermione said, the argument a weak one, but any excuse would do. She looked up again and asked, "What're you doing here? Surely you haven't just popped by to disrupt my class and embarrass me?" Fred laughed at that, stepped back and waved his wand over himself. She'd only blinked once, but already he was fully clothed again. For the fraction of a second she regretted the change.

"Fine, I'll answer that." Fred ran a hand through his hair and looked at her almost nervously. "Spending a week as a coconut has been a truly eye-opening experience. You could say it really cracked my shell and showed once again that we should get our ideas for inventions and recipes checked out by professionals. George is with Malfoy right now, asking for his help with future potion recipes and we'd like to ask you for help with our spellwork, maybe you and Malfoy could check together how potions and spells might interact with each other. We'd obviously compensate you for your time and trouble."

"There's going to be trouble?"

"Well, I mean, it's Georgie and me we're talking about here."

"Forget I asked," Hermione said, looking off to the side and rubbing her neck. After a few moments, she caught Fred's eye again and with yet another quiet sigh said, "If you let me know in advance when you plan on popping by and don't interrupt my classes anymore, I'd be okay with checking your work from time to time. Or you could just owl me questions and recipes and don't drop by at all."

"And deprive you of my presence? No way, Hermione, you're stuck with me now!" Fred said, ending with a whoop and grinning at her. "I actually thought I'd have to try harder to convince you to help us." Hermione took in Fred's expression - even after all these years it was odd to her that she was one of the people that got to see the Weasley twins' genuine smiles. They were reserved for family and their closest friends and every time they did something so stupid they deserved to be hexed six ways from Sunday that smile of theirs made it all the more difficult to actually hex them six ways from Sunday.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do genuinely think that a lot of your products are pretty amazing," Hermione said, crossing her arms in front of her chest and not quite meeting Fred's eyes. "For example those daydream sweets you sell. Those dreams are always fun. They're really neat when you need a break or need to calm yourself down." Fred's smile widened and he very nearly bounced up and down.

"Thank you. They're a personal favourite of mine as well…" His voice trailed off and he watched her face carefully. Hermione shifted under his gaze and pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Ever had any dirty daydreams about me?" he asked and Hermione forced herself to hold his gaze, pushing her chin forward, her expression closing off.

"Drop it. Maybe I'll tell you at some point," she said and at the excited expression appearing on Fred's face she added, "Only if you stop asking about it!" Fred laughed and shrugged non-committally.

"Or I could use the little knowledge I have to really annoy you," he said with a wink. "Either way, I better see how George is faring with _Professor Malfoy_. I'll see you when I see you, Hermione." She muttered a quiet bye as he turned to leave. Once she was finally all by herself, she sat down behind her desk, putting her head in her hands, wondering just what had led her down this path. Being saved from a troll by two idiots all those years ago and sticking with them ever since, that was what led her here. Not that she'd want to change any of it.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a few weeks since that fateful moment when Fred turned into a coconut, during the aftermath of which she became an unofficial member of the Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes team. Fred and George had followed the conditions she’d set out before agreeing to help them, which meant that so far she hadn’t had to end any other classes early. Maybe so as to not overload her schedule, the twins hadn’t sent her all that much work yet either, but the few problems they had sent her were fun to work on. Some of them required a bit of research that led to learning some new charms and jinxes, but mostly she could use her pre-existing knowledge, applying magic in ways she’d never considered before. While researching, she had stumbled over a few spells she was sure neither Fred nor George knew about even though they could be useful for some of their older and established products. It was with that in mind that she sent an owl to the twins, asking if it’d be alright for her to drop by their place on Friday after they’d closed for the evening. George owled her back almost immediately, writing that they’d be glad to entertain her, but also asking why she wanted to meet in person. _ Well _ , she thought to herself,  _ a little patience won’t hurt them _ , and her reply to them ended up being vague at best. As the days went on, she realised that maybe her own patience would be the bigger problem, because she was edging to discuss her findings with Fred and George.

For the next couple of days, lessons passed at a snail’s pace and more than once Hermione went off on random tangents during class, messed up her notes and confused students’ names. Inwardly she cursed Fred and George for inspiring such distraction in her. When Friday finally rolled around, Hermione let out her last class of the day with a relieved sigh, sitting down at her desk and jotting down a few notes on how her students had performed. Thankfully they had been paying attention (putting her to shame) and for once not a single one of them had forgotten their homework. Still, she made note of those that would need a bit of help next lesson in order to keep up with the rest of the class. Hermione had made it a habit of hers to give students who excelled at Transfiguration extra work between classes, so they wouldn’t get bored over time and to offer tutorials to those that really struggled with the subject. There was no shame in not being good at Transfiguration, it wasn’t for everyone after all, but she wanted all her students to have at least a basic understanding of the subject and do as well as they could until they were able to drop the class.

Nodding to herself, she closed her folder with her teaching materials and stuffed it in her bag. One of these days she’d really have to charm it a little bit bigger. Slinging it over her shoulder, stuffed as it was, Hermione left her classroom, extinguishing the lights and locking the door with a swish of her wand. When Hermione had first taken over the position from Minerva after she’d finished her apprenticeship, she hadn’t bothered locking the classroom door most nights. However, she’d found snogging couples in there more than once when she’d had to do rounds. It was an unpleasant experience all around: for her, because she really could have lived without these images of her students seared into her brain; and for her students, because they were mortified at having been found in such compromising positions. She shuddered at the memories as she made her way to her quarters, shooing a few students, who were suspiciously lingering in front of Septima Vector’s room, away. The first thing Hermione did when she got back to her own room was to change from her robes into more comfortable muggle clothes and quickly swapping the teaching materials in her bag for notes she’d taken on Fred and George’s products. The second thing she did was to put on her winter boots and coat. Of course, a warming charm was only ever a swish of her wand away, but she still loved getting properly bundled up the Muggle way during the winter months. Checking once more that she had everything she needed, Hermione slung the bag back over her shoulder and was off. 

Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes’ closing time wasn’t for a while still, so instead of flooing to Fred and George’s flat straight away, Hermione made the trek to Hogsmeade. While it was quite stormy out, it had stopped snowing at least. Even so, winter in Scotland was nothing to scoff at and the wind she was met with when she left the warmth of the castle was almost painful on her face and making it difficult to breath. Hermione enjoyed the walk to the village though, the solid crunch of the snow under her boots still audible over the wind. Walking past Hagrid’s hut, she smiled softly as she could see him move around inside. His curtains weren’t drawn and the warm, yellow light spilled from the windows of his hut. One thing she enjoyed about working at Hogwarts was that she saw her old friend every day, visiting him whenever she felt like a cuppa and a chat. Hagrid still had a penchant for the more  _ interesting  _ creatures the wizarding world had to offer, but since the end of the war his Care of Magical Creatures classes had actually improved quite drastically. Some of it was due to Professor McGonagall putting some restrictions on the creatures he was allowed to teach about, but Hagrid had also revamped the syllabuses for the class, including creatures that were perfectly harmless and yet rarely taught about in Britain before. 

Walking through Hogwarts’ gates, crossing the property line, the magic of the castle’s wards washed over Hermione and sent a chill down her spine. Minerva had warned her that once she was accepted as a professor, not just one in training, she’d be able to feel the Hogwarts wards. It had been exhilarating when she’d finally finished her apprenticeship and could feel all the layers of magic that protected the school. There were some wards that were ancient and that most likely didn’t exist anywhere other than Hogwarts. Layered on top were the protections left by the different headmasters; it was a tradition for them to pour a little of their magic into the school during their tenure, so that when they retired, they left an extra protection and a little bit of themselves behind, staying connected to the castle and the school. And last, but not least, there were the wards that teachers had added here and there. It made for a truly fascinating mix and had captivated her for her first year as a fully-fledged professor. Whenever she had a bit of free time, she would go out and study the wards, pulling all the different layers apart without damaging them to get a good look at each and every one of them.

Hermione reached the apparition point in Hogsmeade not much later, but instead of going straight to Fred and George’s, she walked on to the Three Broomsticks and bought a few bottles of Butterbeer for them before popping off to Diagon Alley. The magical shopping street was bustling with life, completely transformed from what it had been like during the war. Diagon Alley had been expanded over the years, adding new shops here and there, and although a few of the older shops had to shut down over time, they always seemed to be replaced within a few weeks. In addition to the still-existing Leaky Cauldron, a few restaurants, bars, and pubs had opened along the alley as well and currently they appeared to be the places people were flocking to - no wonder, it was Friday evening after all. Despite all these other places around, Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes was still the most eye-catching building of them all. The bright colours, the stunning displays: the shop simply couldn’t be ignored. Hermione made a beeline for the building, only stopping to check out the current shop display. It was already positively festive, displaying the twins’ special Christmas products since the holidays were just around the corner. Upon entering the shop, Hermione found it much quieter than usual. Fred and George were standing behind the counter, ringing up the last few customers, it looked like.  _ They must have made everyone else leave already _ . When she came in, shivering at the sudden change in temperature, the two of them looked up and waved at her, with identical grins spreading on their faces. Hermione waved back, but rather than going up to the counter, she strolled through the different aisles, picking up a few of the Christmas-themed, child-safe Wildfired Whizz-Bangs to give to James and Teddy. She’d finished most of her Christmas shopping already, but a few more bits and bobs wouldn’t do any harm. Especially when they were for her favourite godson, who happened to be Harry’s very own mini-me and Marauder in the making.

Turning around another corner, Hermione ended up in the aisle that, if she was honest, always piqued her curiosity the most. In a long line of shelves anyone of age could find Fred and George’s line of Wonderwitch products. Whenever she looked at the products lining these shelves (ranging from the rather tame special effects massage oils to items that were a little difficult for her to even look at), she wondered who exactly they tested them on. Did they test most of them themselves? George had been dating Alicia Spinnet for a couple of years, but unlike Ginny or Luna, who had absolutely no shame when it came to discussing their sex lives, she rarely talked about what it was like to be with George. Personally, some of the some of the things the twins had developed over the years weren’t quite Hermione’s cup of tea. There were a few items, however, that she’d always wanted to try out and her heart rate picked up thinking of the scenarios to go with them. Hermione halted in front of one shelf in particular. Luna and Ginny had given her raving reviews of the realistic-looking (and apparently feeling) strap-ons and while their accounts had not been sparing on the details, it wasn’t the same as experiencing it for herself. Too bad she was too chicken to buy one from the twins (they’d never let her live it down) and besides, she was lacking a willing test subject to try it on. Try it  _ with _ , she corrected herself, a small smirk appearing on her face.

“My, my, Professor Granger, if only your students knew what a kinky transfigurations professor they have.” Hermione spun around and very nearly hit Fred, who was standing right behind her, with her bag. Absorbed in her thoughts as she’d been, she’d completely missed him sneaking up on her.

“Sweet Circe, Fred! Don’t scare me like that,” she said, her eyes wide as she clutched the boxes of fireworks to her chest. His eyes were twinkling with mirth, seeing as he’d been able to surprise her, something that was notoriously difficult most of the time. As a Hogwarts professor Hermione had taken a page out of Mad-Eye Moody’s book, employing constant vigilance in order to avoid pranks by students and Peeves. Unfortunately, she was on her toes around them as well and well-practiced in dodging pranks, at least these last few years. “Most of my students wouldn’t be able to spot me here anyway, and I don’t think I particularly care about the ones that can, seeing as they’re of age and I’ve probably seen them do something worse at least once during their time at Hogwarts.”  

“Really? You seem like the caring type though,” Fred said, a grin on his face as Hermione contemplated if that was meant as a compliment or an insult. With the twins you never knew.

Unsure which it was, she ignored the comment altogether and asked, “All finished kicking everyone else out? I’ve got a whole bunch of notes for you.” A grin spread on her face again as she thought of all the bits of information she’d come across that would be useful to them. “Oh, and I have to pay for these,” she added, holding up the boxes with the fireworks.

“Alright, come along then,” Fred said, taking the boxes from her and walking back to the counter. “Since you’re helping us, George and I decided to give you and Malfoy the employee discount.”

“You don’t have to, I’m fine paying the full price,” Hermione said, but when Fred rang up the items, she could tell that it wasn’t the usual price. Holding his gaze for a moment, Fred shrugged, a crooked grin on his face. “Fine. Thank you.” With a sigh she paid for the items and asked, “Speaking of George, just where’s your more charming and more handsome better half?”

“ _ I’m _ the more charming and handsome of the two of us,” Fred protested, cocking an eyebrow at her. “I thought you had better taste than that.” Hermione laughed at that and gave Fred a soft smile when her laughter subsided.

“I’m just teasing.”

“I know,” Fred said, returning her smile and handing the two boxes back to her. “I like it.” Neither of them spoke for a moment, until Fred cleared his throat. “Anyway, George. Date night with Alicia. He felt a little bad about running out on us until he remembered she’d gone shopping for  _ lingerie  _ the other day.” Fred chuckled and gave her a once-over as she gave him a look that said ‘too much information’. “Guess I’m your date for the night?”

“Well, I did bring enough butterbeer to have some fun. Might even be a little much for just you and me,” she said, stuffing her purchases in her bag. “Work before pleasure though.”

“You want me to pleasure you?” Fred asked, laughing at the flustered expression on Hermione’s face. Not deeming that question worth a reply, she left Fred standing there, walking away and up the staircase that led to their flat.

Already halfway up the stairs, she mumbled, “We’ll see.” Fred, who’d followed her out of the shop, must have still heard, because as he pushed past her he chuckled and gave her a wink before unlocking the door to their flat and holding it open for her.

“Actually, let’s say work and another little chat before pleasure because there’s something I have to discuss with you as well,” Fred said once they were in the flat and on their way into the living room. Hermione dropped her bag on the sofa and pulled out a stack of notes that she spread out on the coffee table. Dropping one of the cushions from the sofa on the ground, she sat down and handed Fred one of the butterbeer bottles, before grabbing one for herself and opening it. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Hermione asked as Fred sat down on the floor next to her, popping open his own bottle and pulling one of the pieces of parchment towards him. 

“Patience, Professor Granger. Let’s do this first.” Fred focused on the parchment in his hands and Hermione snorted, setting down her drink to re-sort the piles of notes.  _ Fine _ , she thought, immersing herself in the task at hand. Meanwhile, Fred’s eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up, sneaking a glance at Hermione from the side. After a second of staring at her incredulously, he took a closer look at the calculations in front of him. This wasn’t one of the new products they’d wanted her help with, but an existing product - one type of the Wildfired Whizz-Bangs that multiplied when someone tried vanishing them. Hermione had calculated that if a different spell was used to charm them, the reaction with the other materials would be stronger, which meant they could save some of those and customers would still get the same bang for their buck. He let out a low whistle and leaned back, dropping the parchment on the table.

“You did more than we expected,” Fred said, his voice serious for once as he looked at Hermione and held out his butterbeer bottle to her. “Thank you, Hermione.” She looked over at Fred surprised, but grinned at his words and clinked her butterbeer bottle with his before taking a sip. 

“My pleasure. Since I have access to the recipes now, there’s quite a few things I can play around with to improve them. Obviously helps to have constant access to all the books in the Hogwarts library as well if, Merlin forbid, I can’t find a solution in my own personal library.” She laughed and Fred joined in, still a little stunned that she’d gone to such lengths to help them out.

“Let’s go over these then,” Fred said, his face set in determination. Hermione’s grin widened and she pulled the first pile of notes towards them, launching into an explanation about how she’d gone over some of their older formulas to see if they could somehow be improved upon. Since most of them hadn’t been updated since the first time they’d made the products safely, he wasn’t all that surprised to find that a lot of things could be made more efficiently. Fred and George themselves had become better at inventing new products over the years, using more complex magic, but it somehow hadn’t occurred to them to check if they could make improvements to some of their older formulas now.

A few hours and quite a few butterbeers later, the two still hadn’t managed to go through all of Hermione’s notes. The witch in question had her elbow on the table, propping up her chin as she looked over at Fred, a giggle escaping her because he just didn’t get what she was trying to explain. No matter, he could always refer to her extensive notes tomorrow. They probably made more sense than she did in her current, slightly tipsy state. “We could just take a break for a little bit, you know?” she said and Fred, whose hair was standing up on one side because he’d kept running his hand through it over the course of the evening, nodded.

“Let’s get some food,” he said, pushing the notes he’d been reading away from him, leaning back, and closing his eyes for a moment. He looked surprisingly peaceful like this, she noted as she focused on a couple of barely-visible scars: one over his eyebrow, one on his jaw. How come she didn’t know the stories behind those? “My treat,” Fred added, startling her.

“Sounds good. Where do you want to go?” Hermione asked after a second, getting up with a groan a moment later and shaking her leg that had fallen asleep.

“Somewhere nice,” Fred said, watching her as she got up. After shaking out her leg, she stretched, her arms extending over her head, her jumper riding up and revealing the soft skin of her stomach. Fred licked his lips and his eyes flicked back to her face - she cocked an eyebrow at him, a smirk tugging at her lips in a way that made his heart do a little flip. “How do you like Italian?” he asked, pushing his thoughts aside.

“Italian would be great. Know any good Italian restaurants around here?” Hermione held out her hand for Fred and with a chuckle, asked, “Need some help getting up, old man?” He took her hand and when he was back on his feet, he pulled her close to him, tugging her body flush against his. She looked up at his face in surprise, but didn’t step back.

“Could also call it experienced,” Fred said, squeezing her hand slightly before letting go and moving back, giving her her space back. Hermione laughed.

“I could, but I don’t.” She stuck her tongue out at him, another laugh bubbling over at the look he was giving her. “Restaurants though?”

“Oh, yeah. Small place in muggle London, not far from here. Perfect for a bit of a chat.” Hermione nodded, but he could see the cogs already turning in that head of hers, thinking up questions about what exactly this was about. “You okay to sidealong?” he asked, distracting her for a moment as they pulled on their boots and coats. Hermione simply offered her arm to Fred and grinning at her, he apparated them to a small alley. They stepped out of it onto a relatively busy street, turned right and walked past a few other restaurants, pubs and cafés until they reached a small place with a black front that looked well taken care of. While the pubs along the road seemed pretty busy right about now, business in the restaurants appeared to have slowed down, seeing as it was getting a bit late to have dinner.

Fred and Hermione walked into the restaurant and were shown to a small booth, where they sat down to study the menu. Hermione kept glancing up at Fred, clearly curious what it was that he wanted to talk about. Whenever she looked up, the corners of his mouth twitched, trying to stop himself from smirking. “Once we’ve ordered,” Fred said at last and Hermione nodded, quickly picking something she was sure she’d like.

After the waiter had taken their order and brought them their drinks, Fred leaned back, took a sip of his drink and said, “I want to prank George.” Hermione’s eyebrows vanished under her fringe and her mouth formed into an ‘o’. Now that would be difficult to pull of - Fred and George spent a lot of time together and even if Fred got enough time by himself to plan it, he’d still have to make sure George didn’t grow suspicious of him. The twins had an uncanny ability to, if not read each other’s thoughts, know the gist of what the other was feeling at all times, which wouldn’t make this any easier.

“What exactly are you planning?” Hermione asked after a few seconds thinking it through while Fred watched her face for a sign of what her thought process was. He grinned at her question.

“There is no food George hates more than Brussels sprouts. I want to turn him into a Brussels sprout for a couple of days.” Hermione groaned and took a big gulp of her cocktail.

“Is this meant to be the revenge for your week as a coconut?” Fred nodded and she groaned again. That was incredibly petty of Fred. It had been bad luck that he’d been the one to test the Mutating Macaroons. It could just as easily have been George’s turn to be the guinea pig for one of their new products and end up as a coconut for a week as a result. She told Fred so, but his grin just widened.

“He disrupted your class when I was a coconut.” Hermione nodded and was about to say that Fred had disrupted her class as well, but Fred held up his finger - he was not quite finished yet. “He was the one who came up with those sweets that make you appear naked to whoever’s had dirty thoughts about you in the past, so really, he disrupted your class twice in so many weeks.” Hermione snapped her mouth shut and frowned at Fred, a light blush tingeing her cheeks at that particular memory.  _ There it was.  _ Fred knew he was beginning to sway her and leaning over the table slightly, he whispered, “And that sugar that messed with your hair? Also one of George’s  _ personal _ project. I had no hand in it.” Hermione had almost forgotten about that, or maybe she’d been trying to suppress the memories of that morning.

Clearly it had been Fred’s plan to end with that reminder in order to make it that much more likely for her to help him, and her Gryffindor impulsiveness, as well as the butterbeer coursing through her veins, was winning out over her logical, analytical side when she said, “Okay. I’ll help.” Fred chuckled and Hermione’s blush deepened. She had been far too easily convinced. “Oh, shut up. What do you need  _ my  _ help with anyway?” Fred laughed harder at that, but also looked genuinely relieved that she’d agreed to help him.

“I’ve come up with a basic recipe for a potion that’s similar to the one we’ve used for the Mutating Macaroons, but I’d like your input.” Hermione nodded as Fred pushed a piece of paper across the table and she looked it over. “The reason the macaroons were so much more effective than we’d anticipated was because of the desiccated coconut, but I’m not sure the same effect could be achieved with dried Brussels sprouts and I obviously don’t want to test it on anyone.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to get yourself stuck as a Brussels sprout on top of the whole coconut business,” Hermione said, unable to stop herself from grinning as she imagined Fred getting stuck, once again, when all he’d wanted to do was prank George. “I can probably figure out if the recipe will work.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Fred said. Before he could continue explaining his plan, their food arrived and the two of them dug in, their conversation lulling for a little while.

“When are you planning on pranking him?” Hermione asked at last and Fred furrowed his brows.

“Christmas dinner, which is another reason I asked for your help. If we can arrange it so that we both sit right next to George, I can distract him and you can add a spiked Brussels sprout to his plate. It’s the only time he’ll eat them and I think it’d be funnier to slip him a spiked Brussels sprout rather than mess with something else he’ll have that day.” Hermione nodded. In a way that made sense - using a Brussels sprout as the medium would probably help with the effectiveness of the potion as well.

“If you want him to be a Brussels sprout for a couple of days that would mean he’d miss Christmas Day though,” Hermione said in between bites of her lasagne and a worried look crossed her face.

“I know. I guess that might be a bit much,” Fred conceded, causing her to look at him in surprise. “We could time it so he turns back just after everyone else opened their presents on Christmas Day, so he’ll be the last one to get any presents.” Hermione nodded slowly, still a little surprised that Fred reigned in his temper and didn’t want to do anything  _ too _ bad to George.

“Do you want to work on it at Hogwarts? You could tell George that you’ll have to discuss the notes I dropped off for you. We’d have to get the potion to turn him done pretty soon since it’s almost Christmas.”

“Perfect cover story,” Fred said and for the rest of their meal they chatted about the potion and the plan and a kind of giddy excitement settled in Hermione’s stomach. The feeling was eerily reminiscent of the butterflies she felt whenever she was developing a crush on someone. Clearly nerves. They were planning on pranking someone who was notoriously difficult to prank after all. Even so, the feeling didn’t seem to settle even when their conversation drifted to other topics. Neither did it when they left the restaurant. 

The cold night air made Hermione shiver and she pulled her coat tighter around herself, nearly jumping when a warming charm washed over her. “Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, but you seemed cold. Can’t have you get sick on me now,” Fred said and Hermione grinned, the thank you coming over her lips easily. They stood outside the restaurant for a while, neither quite sure why they were having trouble finding the right words, neither really wanting for the fun evening (and it had been  _ fun _ ) to end there.

“I know you can get back to Hogwarts by yourself, but would you mind if I took you back to Hogsmeade? Walk you to your door so to say?” They’d met as good friends tonight and yet. _ And yet _ .

“You don’t have to, Fred,” she said quickly, but when he said that he  _ wanted _ to, she accepted with an uncertain smile and took the hand he held out to her. She yelped when Fred pulled her close again, popping out of existence a second later. It completely slipped both their minds that they’d been standing in a muggle street. Luckily no one appeared to have noticed them. When they landed in Hogsmeade, Hermione pushed even closer to Fred and his arms tightened around her momentarily, before letting her go and asking, “You alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” she said and they walked up to the Hogwarts gates in silence.

“Really, the front door would be the doors of the castle,” Fred said after a moment and Hermione grinned as she nodded in agreement. As they crossed the wards, Hermione struck up a conversation about that strange branch of magic, surprised to find that Fred was quite knowledgeable on the topic. He explained that Bill had taught him and George a thing or two when they’d wanted to protect the shop and, more importantly, their flat above the shop during the war.

“I didn’t even think about that,” Hermione said quietly, a thoughtful look on her face. “Too bad you can’t put that knowledge to use on your products.”

“Not really, but it’s useful to get some practice with runes since they can play a big part in enchantments… As you probably know. Playing around with wards helped us get a more practical understanding of runes.” Fred stared off into the distance for a moment, a wide grin appearing on his face before giving Hermione an appraising look. “This is something George and I haven’t told anyone about before. After Bill let us in on how wards worked and had taught us how to modify them and what not, we played around with the ones at the Burrow.” Hermione cocked an eyebrow at Fred, curious where the story was going. “Infinitely easier to work on those since we were already keyed in and didn’t have to key ourselves into the wards. Anyway, in the end we managed to lock Percy out of his room and only his room. He couldn’t fix it himself and slept in the living room because he didn’t want to admit to anyone that he couldn’t get into his room anymore, thinking that it had something to do with the fact that he left us before the war. Bill noticed after a couple of days though and changed the wards back.” Hermione felt a little sorry for Percy, but not enough to not join in Fred’s laughter.

“Leave it to you two to find a way to prank someone using wards,” Hermione said, shaking her head in disbelief. Some of the things the twins got up to were just too ridiculous. They reached the doors of the castle, hesitating again as their eyes met. It was just beginning to snow again, with the first few snowflakes settling in their hair. Hermione worried her lip for a second before she said, “Come on. It doesn't make sense for you to walk the whole way back to Hogsmeade. Just floo back from my room.” Fred looked at her in surprise, but didn’t complain. All too soon they reached her cozy quarters, reminiscent of the Gryffindor common room and with a fire crackling in her fireplace as it always did. Hermione had taken off her boots and coat, while Fred had walked towards the fireplace, wondering again just what to say to end the evening. Hermione followed him and when Fred turned around to say goodbye, already a handful of floo powder in his hand, he found her standing closer to him than expected. 

He cleared his throat and said, “I had fun tonight.” There was a note of surprise in his voice that Hermione understood only too well. They’d known each other for years, had been friends almost as long, but even so they’d never spent that much time with each other. Certainly never just the two of them by themselves.

“Me too,” Hermione said, looking up at Fred’s face, her eyes flitting down to his mouth when he wet his lips before speaking up again.

“Do you want to meet again on Sunday? To work on the potion?” he asked, his voice lower than it had been before, and Hermione nodded. Her heart was beating much too fast as she stepped even closer to him. His eyes widened a little - she was so close he could feel the warmth radiating off her body. Close enough to see the smattering of freckles across her nose, the beginning of laugh lines around her eyes, the flecks of gold he’d never noticed before in her dark eyes. He lowered his head a fraction, their noses nearly bumping, and her breath hitched in her throat, making him swallow hard. Completely unlike himself, Fred hesitated and so it was Hermione who closed the distance, capturing his lips with hers in a kiss that was chaster than either of them thought the other capable of. Fred and Hermione were too surprised at this particular turn of events to deepen the kiss and when they pulled away from each other after a few second, they both looked like the proverbial deer in the headlights.

“Good night, Hermione. I’ll see you Sunday,” Fred said, his voice breathless as he threw the floo powder into the flames, stepping into them to rush back to their place. Hermione stared at the flames as they turned from emerald green back to orange and red and touched her fingers to her lips. That had been most unexpected. Flushing, she checked the time and decided that it wasn’t too late in the evening to firecall Ginny yet. The younger witch looked pretty dishevelled when she knelt down in front of her fireplace and Hermione saw Harry in the background, trying to sneak out of the living room, looking equally dishevelled and a whole lot more naked. The witches laughed when he was out of earshot and Hermione apologised for calling at such an inopportune time. Ginny waved her off and just asked her what was up. Hermione summarised the strange evening she’d had and asked if Ginny could meet her the next day, because what on earth was she going to do? Barely able to hide her excitement at Fred and Hermione having kissed, Ginny said she’d drop by the following morning.

“Right! Don’t want to keep you any longer. Have a  _ good _ night. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Ginny said bye with a wink and Hermione pulled her head out of the fire. She was too tired to do much else, so she went to bed not much later, overall still rather excited for the weekend. Over the years, Hermione had had a few relationships and even the occasional one-night stand. She wasn’t inexperienced by any means, but kissing Fred? She’d entertained the occasional fantasy about him (as the twins’ weird, new product had shown rather clearly), but she’d fantasised about a lot of people in the past and hardly ever acted on it. One of the only times she’d ever done so had been during her apprenticeship when a late night lesson-planning session had turned into snogging and sex with Neville. But that had been a one-off and afterwards it had been easy to slip back into their friendly colleague dynamic from before. No,  _ that _ was simply a night she remembered fondly. Hermione wasn’t sure something like that would be possible with Fred. The twins had a knack for pulling you along on a crazy, fun-filled ride that made it difficult to go back to how things were before, as dramatic as that sounded. However, she wondered if she and Fred would just crash and burn if either of them acted on that kiss, if they decided to take things further than that. Rolling over in her bed and groaning, Hermione forced herself to calm down. Focusing on counting numbers and slowing her breathing, she managed to drift off to sleep after a while.

* * *

 

By the time Sunday rolled around, Fred had managed to calm down considerably and had formed a plan on how to deal with Hermione. He winced at that.  _ Deal with her _ . Shaking his head, he stepped out of the bathroom in their flat and ran a hand through his damp hair. It wasn’t so much dealing with her as dealing with the situation. Of course George had managed to weasel out of him just what had happened Friday evening (minus their plan to prank him) and had told him to calm his tits and just follow Hermione’s lead. She didn’t mention the kiss? He’d just have do the same. She jumped him the second they met to have her way with him? All the better for him. Fred doubted it would be the latter, but who knew: it wouldn’t be the first time Hermione defied expectations. Walking into the kitchen, he found George had already prepared breakfast and he greeted him with a relatively cheerful, “Morning.” George waved the spatula he was using to flip the bacon in the frying pan at him and furrowed his brows when he took a look at him.

“When exactly are you meeting Hermione?” he asked and Fred stopped mid-motion, about to fill his mug with coffee.

“We didn’t set a time. Guess I’ll drop by some time before noon.” Fred shrugged and set the pot of coffee back down on the worktop after filling his mug, sipping from it immediately. “I have no idea how long it’ll take to go over the rest of her notes and what else she came up with yesterday. Hope you don’t mind if I’m gone for most of the day.”

“Don’t worry. Alicia wants to drop by later,” George said with a wide grin, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Fred laughed, leaning against their worktop and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“You two are getting pretty serious. I mean, it’s been what? Almost two years now?” They’d had a similar conversation a while back, but back then George didn’t want to rush into anything and Fred could understand that. At the same time, anyone could see that George and Alicia were smitten with each other and he wondered what was holding George back. Yes, George was the more level-headed of the two, but he was still plenty impulsive most of the time.

“She’s coming along for Christmas this year,” George said and Fred raised his eyebrows.  _ Serious indeed _ . “Depending on how that goes I’ll ask her if she wants to move in together some time next year.” Fred let out a low whistle.

“Move in here?” he asked. He wouldn’t mind, but at the same time he also didn’t want to get in the way of the two. However, George was already shaking his head.

“I’d want to look for a flat together with her. Moving into her place wouldn’t work either, what with Katie and Angelina living there as well.” Fred nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. They chatted about it a little while longer as they ate bacon sandwiches and drank their coffee. While George went off to have a shower once they’d finished their breakfast, Fred cleaned up and when the kitchen looked presentable again, he sent off a patronus to ask Hermione if it’d be alright to drop by hers. She sent her otter back almost immediately, telling him it was fine to come through and he laughed when the curious patronus ‘swam’ circles around him, touching its nose to his before it vanished. Fred grabbed a jacket and one pile of Hermione’s notes as cover and flooed to her Hogwarts quarters.

“Hey, Fred,” she greeted him from her kitchenette when she heard the tell-tale whoosh of the floo. He said hi to her when she came back into the living room, carrying two mugs of coffee and handing him one of them. Fred couldn’t help but let his gaze travel over Hermione’s body, clad in a tight jumper that almost showed off her midriff and a pair of jeans that made it difficult for him to keep his eyes off of her bum when she turned her back to him for a moment. He idly wondered if she’d always dressed like this as they each sat down in one of her armchairs. 

“I know you’ve only had yesterday, but did you have a chance to check the potion recipe?” Fred asked, nervously tapping his fingers against the mug in his hands and raising his eyebrows slightly. 

“Yeah, I'd feel better if we could test it on someone though,” she said, sipping her coffee with a small frown on her face. Fred furrowed his brows and hummed. Not quite sure what to say to that, he took a big gulp from his coffee instead - she’d gone through the trouble of making it, after all. There was a split second when he realised that something wasn't right. It was the same moment that a smirk appeared on Hermione's face.  _ Fuck.  _ When his form changed, Hermione caught the mug with a wandless spell before it hit the ground and gently set it down on her coffee table.  _ Fuck, wank, bugger, shitting arse head and hole! Not again _ , he thought to himself as Hermione burst out laughing. If he’d been human he was sure his ears would have turned a brilliant shade of red, but he wasn’t. That much he knew, but he had no idea what he was exactly. Actually. Considering what he’d asked her to help him with, he guessed he was a Brussels sprout and he did feel somewhat cabbage-y. Now that he thought about it.

“I’m sorry, but I had to try it before we use it on George,” Hermione said, looking at him apologetically as she conjured a mirror so that he could take a look at himself. He’d turned into a football-sized Brussels sprout with a tuft of red hair on top of his round form. His clothes had piled under him, something that probably hadn’t escaped Hermione’s notice, going by the blush on her cheeks. He started trembling, laughing inwardly and Hermione furrowed her brows, not quite sure what the shaking meant. “Oh, I had Malfoy check the recipe to make sure I could turn you back with just a spell instead of a potion-spell combo,” she said, guessing (and getting it wrong) that he wasn’t overly pleased with having been turned into an overgrown cabbage. Relief washed over him at those words. He would have hated to remain a Brussels sprout any longer than necessary, which in this case was only long enough to ensure the potion worked fine and that he could be turned back fairly easily. 

Vanishing the mirror with a wave of her hand, Hermione readied her wand on him. Fred had absolutely no idea what spell she was using, but at least one of the words had something to do with cabbage. He'd ask her to teach it to him later. When she finished the incantation, he could feel his body shift back into its usual shape and size. The blush on her cheeks deepening, Hermione looked him over to make sure he'd changed back without any complications before looking off to the side. 

Fred burst out laughing and asked, “All this trouble just to get me naked again?” His tone was light as he pulled on his boxers and socks. Hermione spluttered and turned back around to face him, the indignation clear on her features and in her voice as she stuttered, “I just wanted to test the potion! I didn’t! I mean, I wouldn’t! I would  _ never _ do something like  _ that _ !” Fred nearly double over as he laughed again and found it difficult to pull on his t-shirt until it subsided.

“Relax, Hermione. I know that, I’m just teasing.” Hermione huffed, but her shoulders slumped and she visibly relaxed. Once Fred was fully dressed again, their eyes met and it became difficult to find the right words once more. “So the recipe works fine then,” Fred said after a moment, clearing his throat and sitting back down in the armchair, this time foregoing the coffee. Hermione pulled her legs under her, getting more comfortable, and nodded.

“I didn’t have to change much and Malfoy just let me know if I could turn you back with a spell. You actually did most of the work.” Fred let out a relieved sigh and grinned at her. 

“So during Christmas dinner we’ll get George to eat a spiked Brussels sprout and hopefully much hilarity will ensue.” Hermione nodded and again silence fell between them. At first Hermione held his gaze, but she soon lowered her eyes, only glancing up at him occasionally. Fred wanted to talk about the kiss and, if at all possible, repeat that experience and then some, but he also didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Plus, the thought of Hermione rebuffing him, surprisingly enough, terrified him. He ran a hand through his hair and looked around the room, trying to find something  _ safe  _ to talk about. 

Eventually his eyes fell on the notes he’d brought along, and he quickly asked if they could go over them. She eagerly agreed - if only to fill the silence. They stuck with that for a couple of hours, sitting next to each other on the floor like before, nearly jumping whenever their hands touched. It was utterly ridiculous. They were acting like teenagers who had a crush on someone for the very first time. Around noon, Hermione suggested grabbing some lunch in the kitchens, mostly to get out of her room. It became more and more difficult by the minute to not just jump Fred and snog him, and at least in the kitchens they'd be surrounded by other people (well, house-elves, but they counted). A sensible plan, Fred agreed, because he himself thought he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut about the kiss much longer. Not much later they found themselves in the Hogwarts kitchens. 

The house-elves helped them keep a conversation going throughout lunch, but once they'd finished their meal, they quickly said their goodbyes. Fred made his way to Hogsmeade instead of flooing back from Hermione’s room, telling her he needed to clear his head. It made Hermione give him a strange look, but she didn’t enquire further. Once he was finally back at their place, he was ready to just lie down on their sofa and watch some films to distract himself, but then he remembered that Alicia had wanted to come by. Grumbling to himself, he went down to their workshop to work on some of their newer inventions instead and give his brother some privacy in their shared flat.

* * *

 

With the exception of Fred and Hermione, who had a hard time waiting for the traditional Weasley Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, Christmas snuck up on everyone that year. Almost the whole family stayed at the Burrow that night, so they could open their presents together come Christmas Day. Even though flooing and apparating were quick and convenient modes of transportation, it was a tradition to sleep over at the Burrow, no matter how packed the house was.

When it was finally time to come together for the dinner on Christmas Eve, everyone showed up a couple hours early to help with the preparations, set the table and have a drink together. Mrs Weasley was gushing over her grandchildren in between finishing dishes, while everyone else was chatting about this and that, catching up on each other’s lives. Even with the weekend dinners, it was pretty uncommon for the whole family to come together like this, if only because Charlie missed most of their weekend get-togethers.

Despite the fact that they had a plan to carry out together, Hermione and Fred couldn’t quite keep a proper conversation going and after a while, they ended up simply smiling at each other, which amused Ginny and George to no end. The two of them put their heads together, whispering with each other only to burst out laughing seconds later. They gave Hermione and Fred pointed looks, at which point Hermione fled. Face flushed, she went off to talk to Harry and Ron and maybe steal her godson from her best friend’s arms. However, somehow Harry and Ron had caught bits of the strange exchange between Fred, Hermione, Ginny and George, and they asked her about it, which made her groan and give them some bullshit answer that fooled neither of them one bit. Still, they decided to drop it for the time being and she gave the two of them a grateful look.

When it was time to sit down at the table in the magically-enlarged kitchen, Fred and Hermione managed to grab the seats on either side of George, but only because Fred argued that he wanted to have a chance to chat with Alicia during dinner, make sure she knew what she was getting herself into with his twin. Alicia laughed and said that that was mighty late after almost two years, but indulged Fred nonetheless. Alicia, Fleur and Percy’s wife, Audrey, were the only partners that had come along for the Christmas dinner - Harry didn’t count. After all, he’d been a part of the Weasley family long before he and Ginny had tied the knot. Ron hadn’t brought his current girlfriend, Luna, along either, though they all knew how quickly that relationship had turned serious. The Weasleys (plus additions) were pretty sure that Ron and Luna would settle down together before long, and with both George and Ron in committed relationships, Mrs Weasley was beginning to be a little wedding planner happy again. 

Once everyone tucked into their meals, Fred gave Hermione their signal, dropping his fork and pulling George into looking for it under the table, at which point Hermione snuck an extra brussels sprout onto George’s plate. The twins showed back up above the table a few second later and she gave Fred an almost imperceptible nod. They tried to act their usual selves during the meal, chatting with the people around them, while not paying too much attention to George. After a little while, Hermione got talking to Bill about wards. Since Fred had told her that Bill had taught him and George about them, she was curious if he could supplement her knowledge as well. She figured she’d only just scratched the surface when it came to the Hogwarts wards in her short year of studying them. The most exciting thing Bill told her about were a couple of books on the subject that she hadn't even known about. In no time, Hermione was excited to make some more additions to her own personal library. If there was one thing she loved above all else, it was finding out about a good book she'd never heard of before.

Just as most people were finishing their dinner and were beginning to look forward to dessert, there was a pop, loud screams from Audrey and Mrs Weasley and, where barely a second earlier George had been sitting, there was now a large Brussels sprout with shaggy red hair in his chair. It was larger than Fred had been and Hermione chalked that up to the fact that Fred had taken the potion in his coffee rather than as a spiked sprout.

“Fred Weasley! You turn your brother back this instant!” Mrs Weasley screeched, while everyone else had erupted in laughter at the oversized vegetable. Since only Fred and Hermione knew that George could be turned back with a spell, the former of the two easily lied. 

“Can’t. It’s a timed potion, he’ll be back to normal tomorrow morning.” Mrs Weasley looked as if she was about to have kittens, but Mr Weasley put a reassuring hand on Mrs Weasley's arm.

“Come on, Molly. He'll be fine again tomorrow morning, and this is hardly the worst the twins have come up with over the years.” Mrs Weasley looked at her husband and sighed as she shook her head, muttering under her breath that it certainly wasn’t her Fred and George had gotten their particular proclivity for trouble from. Mr Weasley simply smiled, but when Mrs Weasley had her back turned, he shot Fred a stern glare and Hermione could see that he was wavering. It was lucky that Mrs Weasley chose that moment to serve a coconut cake for dessert, reminding Fred of his own trying week as a fruit. George could use the character building, he thought to himself. 

After that little incident, everyone went back to their conversations -  with the exception of Alicia, who looked a little cross for the rest of the evening. It was only when Fred talked to her before she left that night that her face softened and she gave him a quick hug before leaving. Really though, she’d been a classmate and team mate of the twins for years - surely she was used to the weird stuff that happen around or rather because of them. Hermione could only imagine what classes with the two terrors must have been like.

It was much later in the evening, after they’d all had hot chocolate and tea in the living room, that Fred levitated Brussels Sprout George up the stairs to their room, before heading to the bathroom on that floor to get ready for bed. Just as he was about to walk into the bathroom, Hermione came out of it, toothbrush and toothpaste in hand, nearly bumping into him. Putting his hands on her shoulders, he stopped her from running into him, but she was still close enough that all it would take to kiss her was to lean down a little. 

“Oh Fred,” she said, looking up at him. “Sorry about that.” 

“No worries, all good.” Neither of them moved as they both seemed to contemplate if they should just take the chance. Fred swallowed as Hermione  bit her bottom lip, making him want to nip at it himself. Do so much  _ more _ than just a bit of snogging if she was up for it.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Hermione whispered, seemingly gathering her courage. “I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. I mean, it was a perfectly chaste kiss, but I still can’t stop thinking about it and you. We really should talk about it, but not here and not now and Merlin, I really want to kiss you again. Properly, this time.” A grin spread on Fred's face as the words spilled from Hermione’s pretty mouth and he pushed her back into the bathroom, only to lock the door behind them. Hermione cocked an eyebrow at him and was about to say something else, but he captured her lips with his, his hands moving from her shoulders to her hair, burying them in the mass of curls. It took Hermione a second to catch up, but then she wrapped her arms around his neck, making him stumble back until he leaned against the door. Their tongues slid against each other, she tasted of mint mingled with something else, and there was nothing chaste about  _ this _ kiss. He moaned softly, feeling his body react, when she stood on her tiptoes, pressing her body even closer to his. He could feel her smile against his lips when she pulled back ever so slightly, and needing to feel  _ more _ of her, he flipped them, pressing Hermione against the door and pushing one of his legs between her boxers-clad thighs. At the back of his mind he heard something clatter to the ground, but then Hermione’s hands were in his hair, tugging at it and whatever the sound had been, it was forgotten as he growled into the kiss. She wrapped her legs around his hips and he moved his hands to her arse, pushing them under her boxers and squeezing it hard. Grinding his hips against her center, Hermione could feel his erection even through their clothes, rubbing against her and drawing a moan from her lips. 

“Oy, Fred! Hermione! You gonna be done any time soon?” Bill asked, knocking on the door, and Charlie said, “There’re others here who want to brush their teeth!” They pulled apart, the back of Hermione's head connecting with the door, and stared at each other wide-eyed, while catching their breaths. Neither Fred nor Hermione thought they'd been that loud - how long had they even been kissing for? For her, this had to be one of the most embarrassing interruptions to date, but at least Fred looked mildly embarrassed as well as he set her back down on the ground. 

Bill and Charlie wolf-whistled when Hermione and Fred left the bathroom, Hermione having picked up her toothbrush and toothpaste. They didn’t say anything to the elder Weasley sons, didn't even look at them, as they made their way back to their respective rooms. However, before Hermione had walked up more than two steps on the staircase leading to the next floor, Fred stopped her and said, “We’ll find a moment to talk tomorrow. Promise.” Hermione gave him a weak smile and a quick kiss before bounding up the stairs. Tomorrow couldn't come quickly enough.

* * *

 

Even though they were all adults by now, everyone in the Burrow woke quite early on Christmas Day. The usual breakfast hubbub had to wait as the family piled into the living room together, a levitating Brussels Sprout George trailing into the room behind Fred. Mrs Weasley nearly yelled at Fred again because George didn’t have his human form back yet, but Fred assured her, he’d be back before long. She still didn’t look fully convinced, but let everyone else proceed to open their gifts as she sat down on one of the sofas, watching over James and Victoire, who were tearing into their presents with lightning speed. Hermione got her usual assortment of books and quills from her friends, leaving the present from Fred for last. A soft smile appeared on her face as she found a box of their daydream charms as well as a box of sugar quills inside. He’d also put in a Christmas card. As soon as she opened it a voucher fell out of it and before she could pick it up herself, Ginny had picked it up for her, taken one look at it and started laughing uncontrollably. Hermione looked at her in confusion, snatching the voucher out of Ginny’s hand. She felt her face warm as she got a better look at the piece of paper, shooting Fred a glare.

“What’s so funny, dear? What’s that voucher for?” Ginny wasn’t any help to her, she just continued laughing and drawing the attention of everyone else - including Mrs Weasley who had asked those questions.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just a voucher for Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes,” Hermione said, trying to sound nonchalant, all the while knowing that the blush on her face was deepening. Somehow she managed to talk her way out of it by calling attention back to the children, who had started playing with some toy wands. Slipping the voucher back into the Christmas card without divulging what it was to anyone but Ginny, who had seen it already, she gave Fred another stern look, but he simply winked at her. At least Hermione wouldn’t have to worry about  _ buying  _ a strap-on from the twins anymore - she’d still have to pick it up though. At least Fred got his comeuppance when he opened his present from her. At first, he looked pleased at the jelly slugs she'd gotten him, but then he got to the second item in the box.

“What?” was Fred’s unintelligent question as he held up a coconut-shaped something that gave off a strong coconut scent. Hermione chuckled at Fred’s expression and Ginny and the rest of the Weasleys soon joined in.

“It’s coconut soap,” Hermione said, another chuckle escaping her. Fred put the offending item to the side, glancing at it as if it would bite him if he wasn’t careful about it. Soon it was only George’s pile of presents left and Mrs Weasley turned to Fred.

“Your brother,” she said, her tone low and Fred and Hermione were sure they couldn’t keep George as a Brussels sprout any longer without truly inciting the wrath of Mrs Weasley. Luckily Hermione didn’t have to reveal her involvement in the whole scheme (yet), because Fred had learned the spell to transfigure George back into his human form and he got out his wand and trained it on Brussels Sprout George.

“Fred Weasley! You said this was a timed potion!” Mrs Weasley yelled and Fred nearly jumped since he’d been focusing on the task at hand - turning George back.

“It was timed. We’d decided beforehand to keep George as a Brussels sprout until this exact time.” Fred’s voice was steady, but the grin on his face didn't quite reach his eyes. Mrs Weasley pinched the bridge of her nose, muttering to herself what she’d done to deserve sons like this. She didn’t appear to have realised that Fred had just said ‘we’ when talking about planning this prank, but a few people in the family circle had noticed and were looking around to see who could have had a helping hand in this. Fred just shrugged and focused on the spell again. It was a little more difficult than what he was used to, but Hermione was a good teacher, so it hadn’t taken her too long to teach him how to get it right. He finished the wand movement and incantation and George slowly shifted back into his human form - they’d even managed to shift his clothes with him, so he didn’t turn back naked. For some reason, Hermione had insisted they fix that problem first.

“Merry Christmas!” Fred exclaimed as George got his bearings, the rest of the Weasley family chiming in with the greeting.

“Merlin’s pants, I hate Brussels sprouts,” George said, pulling a face. “I don’t think I’ll ever get that smell out of my nose.” He shuddered at the thought and looked around his family. Mrs Weasley seemed rather relieved that her son was back to normal, but the others just seemed amused and as he looked at Hermione there was a glint to her eye and a smirk on her face that surprised him.

“Come on, George, unwrap your presents, so we can get some breakfast,” Ginny said and George got a move on with that. A few people already made their way into the kitchen to help with the preparations and setting the table. However, Hermione, Fred and the other half of the family stayed in the living room, watching as George unpacked mostly sweets, a scarf, and some of the potion ingredients the twins could always use more of. Like Fred, the last present he unwrapped was the one from Hermione. The wrapping paper already made him furrow his brows - it was a mix of different shades of green and taking a closer look at it, it reminded him of cabbage (oddly enough). When he opened opened the box within, his jaw actually dropped and he stared at Hermione. “YOU KNEW!” he yelled, pointing his finger at her. The box slid onto the ground, revealing its contents: a few Brussels sprout shaped bath bombs, a Brussels sprout soap that looked similar to Fred’s coconut soap, as well as a bright blue towel that had loads of tiny Brussels sprouts printed on it. Hermione and Fred started laughing and it took them quite a while to compose themselves.

“Please, George, I didn’t just know. I  _ helped _ ,” Hermione said offhandedly, getting up and going to the kitchen to finally get some breakfast, her stomach rumbling despite the massive dinner they'd had previous evening.

“You made Hermione prank someone?” Harry asked and everyone who had stayed in the living room gaped at him.

“Please, as if I could make Hermione do  _ anything _ ,” Fred said, grinning and even George chuckled.  _ Wasn’t that the truth. _ The others chuckled as well, but at the same time wondered just what George had done to Hermione to make her  _ want _ to prank him. 

Now that George had unwrapped all his presents, everyone made their way into the kitchen where breakfast had been prepared and the table been set. The day passed in a fun-filled haze as they laughed, talked, played games. However, Hermione and Fred didn’t get a chance to have their talk. Whenever they were about to sneak off together, George or Bill or Charlie would grab one of them and drag them away because they’d just thought of something else to do or needed their input on a thing or two. By dinnertime, Harry, Ron and Ginny had caught on as well and had joined the other three in not giving Hermione and Fred a moment by themselves. Only when everyone else made their way to bed did Hermione and Fred manage to sneak away, bundling up in their winter clothes before leaving the Burrow together to walk through the orchard behind the house. They cast a variation of the lumos charm that Fred and George had come up with a few years ago to send up hundreds of tiny lights, almost like fireflies, that followed them along and illuminated the area around them.

“So,” Fred said after a little while, disturbing the silence that had settled over them as neither of them quite knew where to start. “You didn’t particularly mind the snogging yesterday.”

Hermione chuckled and the words tumbled out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about what she was saying, “I wouldn’t particularly mind a repeat either.” Fred laughed and looked over at her. She held his gaze and stopped just before they got to the clearing, where the Weasleys normally played Quidditch together. The look on her face turned serious and it made Fred stop as well, walking the couple of steps back to stand right in front of her.

“What is it?” he asked, slightly worried about what she’d say.

“I want more than a bit of snogging and the occasional shag and I have no idea if we’d just crash and burn and ruin our friendship in the process.”

Fred sighed and looked uncharacteristically solemn when he said, “I’ll be honest with you… The day you and George turned me back, after you’d chewed us out, I wondered if we could just have a bit of fun. You know, fool around, see where that leads.” Hermione raised her eyebrows, not quite liking the sound of that yet. Though Hermione thought she’d probably have a hard time resisting a one-off with Fred, just so she knew what it was like to be with him.

“George set me straight right away.” She breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t miss and it made him smile. “ _ This _ , anything with  _ you _ , could never just be a bit of fun because we’ve known each other for so long. I don’t take a lot of things in life as seriously as I maybe should, but I respect you, a lot, and if we tried our hands at a relationship I would be in it one hundred percent.“

“That’s all I can ask for,” Hermione said, putting her hands on his chest. “Of course you could expect the same of me.”

“Is there anything you don’t do one hundred percent?” Fred teased, his voice low as he pulled her closer, trailing kisses along her cheek and nipping at her earlobe. Her breath hitched and she wrapped her arms around Fred’s neck.

“Hmm, there was Divination. Rubbish class, that,” she mumbled, catching Fred’s eye again as he pulled back and laughed.

“So, Hermione, do you want to go out some time? A proper date and not a planning-to-prank-my-twin dinner?” Fred smiled at her with that genuine smile that was reserved for so few people, the one that made his eyes shine and his laugh lines show, and she couldn’t help but smile back and say, “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~!
> 
> This is it for now c: I hope you enjoyed this short two-shot! I might update this further in the future, because I don't think I'm done thinking about these two idiots yet, but there are no specific plans for future chapters yet, so for now it's a complete story the way it is :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This was just a bit of fun to work on between bigger stories and originally it was only meant to be a one-shot. When it ended up being longer than expected, I split it into two chapters, so you guys can look forward to at least one more chapter after this c:


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